Dear Husband, Thank You For Not Giving Up on Me After Babies

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A letter to my dear husband: Thank you for not giving up on me after babies.

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Not that you ever would. But I know it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been wanting to reconnect (read on for my massive list of ideas) but I just haven’t made the time. There were times I felt I should be speaking to you in your “love language“, but again…I haven’t made the time or put in the effort. For that, I am sorry.

Besides the obvious changes that come with the territory of becoming new parents (hello, sleep deprivation?), we experienced a major shift within our household as I went from full-time teacher to stay at home mom. We shifted from years of infertility to having a beautiful baby. (Read more about our journey through infertility.) Then we shifted again from one baby to two within a little over a year. Our marriage shifted as we focused on our daughters instead of each other or ourselves. SO. MANY. CHANGES.

Thank you for supporting us financially as well as emotionally and physically.

All those late nights rocking and shushing our babies to sleep (and still counting). The 12 hour, 7 day shifts at work. All the tears of frustration and sadness you wiped away from my face after I had a long day. Thank you for being my rock and my village.

I am in awe of how you dove right into parenthood, head first.

Diaper changes, skin to skin, sleepless nights, doctor’s appointments, reading, playing, cuddling…you always show up. Dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery runs…you do it all. Parenting, marriage, gender roles…so much of it looks different from what our parents and grandparents experienced. Thank you for being the amazing, hands on father and husband you are.

I’m grateful to you for never giving up on me.

When I would scream and yell and cry…when I didn’t make any sense…when I seemed to be spiraling into a deep, dark abyss…Thank you for always being there to hold me, give me space, help me pick up the pieces, even when I’m sure you felt helpless and frustrated yourself. Thank you for listening to me, validating my feelings, and growing with me as a parent.

Thank you for forgiving me.

I’m not sure if it’s hormones, postpartum depression, being overwhelmed, or D, all of the above…but I’ve said things and acted in ways I am ashamed of. Thank you for never holding it against me, for forgiving me, and for encouraging me to move on. And for continuing to support me as I try to figure it out.

I appreciate you for loving me.

Every single thing about me is different, from my postpartum body to my temperament to my moods. As I struggle to find my way, thank you for always loving the me that shows up that day.